iT'Ss NoTt ConFfiDeEnTiAaL... YoU ArE My oNly OnE

iT'Ss NoTt ConFfiDeEnTiAaL... YoU ArE My oNly OnE

*BeCkY*

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(no subject)

[Apr. 21st, 2007|07:07 pm]

not really motivated to do much of anything.. i have this huge paper due tuesday.. and it's saturday and i've been working on it so long.. it reminds me of my limitations .. i suck at paper writing.. i don;t think it's far that some people can just write and write for one night and do better then my one week;s worth of work.. possibly beucase i'm a lazy typer.. and make alot of mistakes..

i remember when i was as passionate about you as i am about the sun rising.. i remember when i could think of you for hours.. and it would get me thought the day.. no question i love you.. no question nobody could ever fill your place.. but as to the question as to wherther i am happy.. that requires some debate.. how can i be happy with you so far away.. i know you're home in like a week.. but im not .. it's just this perpetual waiting.. waiting for what.. we've got a good 5 years or more till thinking about marrage.. so whats the point of this.. no question you keep me grounded.. i'd be a crazy lady if it weren;t for you.. so i like that aspect.. i love having you around.. sure there are times i don;t.. but right now it seems like i'd give anything to have you near me.. note to self.. being away at college makes you apreciate the time you have together.. god but so drawn between what i know and what i dont.. knowing the option is out there that it could be over is not really a reasonable option beucase id on;t think it could ever be truly over.. i honestly couldn;t image that.. i wouldnt; want to.. i love waking up thinking about you.. i love dreaming about you.. i love knowing you love me.. i love you .. but i miss you.. and the hase goes over my eyes and i get confused as to why it's worth it.. god knows i know all this is worth it in my heart.. every beat echos for you.. but you kno what .. we havent; a new couple.. it's been a long time.. we;ve been though alot.. we;ve grown.. we;ve changed.. and i can honestly say you're still everything i've wanted and more.. this is beyond lucky because we put so much into this that it isn;t luck.. hey maybe you still make me passionate. i love you kase king

homework time

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(no subject)	[Mar. 20th, 2007\|12:14 am]
day one being back at school after spring break.. i guess you should say it's a blast back into reality.. today i was woken up at about 7 and rushed into packing the car and enbarking on the two hour excusion back into northeatern pennsilvania.. my new home.. i got back i guess about ten and i can;t really say i didn;t anything productive for the first hour i was here except maybe unpack and say hello to a couple of friends.. then i had class at 12.. and then lunch at two with everyone.. it was nice to see them all.. but to be honest nice would just be an understantment-- each one of them i missed and to be back and really feel like i never missed a beat is pricless.. it's amazing how at college you can go away and come back with everything the same.. it's like a whole new family.. after lunch i was teased by the boys who live a floor below.. then began getting into the swing of things and do homework.. i read an increadible amount of history tonight followed by psycology and then i looked at a tentative course schedual for next semester.. dinner was eventful.. however not everyone was there .. afterwards i came back and did some more homework and dozed alittle bit before finnally deciding to play a sport.. so the troops were round up and six of us played ultimate soccer in the gym.. it was beyond fun.. then we came back showered.. the always entertaining kasey king was online so we talked a bit .. and now he has gone to bed.. it's crazy to think that two nights ago i was getting ready for bed with him.. not in a dirty way all you guys.. but i truly think that the last weekend was really just time spent with eachother that was basically time we needed to spend with eachother.. it was a check in time and a very intense couple of days.. and you kno what .. after spending all that time with him i didn;t feel like i needed to kill myself or anything like that.. infact the exact oposite.. i felt like i was the most important person in the world and i had something to work for.. it's nice knowing that everything will work out.. and for a reason.. the future and forever are starting to take shape.. and i'm ready to embrace them.. it's not that he has to be the one.. it's just that it wouldn;t be so bad if he was.. and so far .. though i'll be the first to admit it has been increadibly hard.. we seem to be surviving.. i don't know.. i was really flatered with the fact that one of kasey's friends said to me i didn;t understand how we could deal with the distance.. but after meeting me he understood how.. and right now i love him.. and right now i miss him.. but you know what with weekends like this.. i guess it is worth it.. and at the end of the day those are the things you have to think about.. it's funny how you think it's over and you get a second wind.. i guess what i'm saying to is that life is unexpected and you have to be ready for it.. and that he always seems to pull though in the end.. i have english tomarrow.. and i've procrastinated the reading long enough.. night
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(no subject)	[Mar. 18th, 2007\|08:10 pm]
i haven't updated in an extreamly long time. and i guess it's becuase i've been bussy. i said i'd start doing this again in the new year.. you have no idea how much i enjoy keeping this up to date and then reading back and seeing what i did on each day. today i came home from michigan. i had an amazing time. this consudes my spring break.. alot has happened the last couple of months.. heck i'm in college now.. but alot of things have stayed the same- my love for steph devita.. but i find that as each day goes up i grow up alittle bit more and i'm proud of who i'm becomeing. i went to michigan on thursday and truth be told kasey and i were having problems. i guess it's a long and complicated story that seems not to even matter anymore. right now it's as if we were given a new wind and i love him even more. i know me though and i know how i feel about him always changes but it is an indisputed fact that i do and always will love kasey king. even when i think i might be losing it he always pulls thought in the end. my plane landed in michigan on thursday night. kasey met me at the airport with a huge hug and a yellow duck- i haven't named him yet he;s too big to be another babby leo.. i met his friend ryan who we almost initally hit is off as friends. i can see why he and kasey get along so well.. kase mentioned the story a couple times so i might as well write it down so i can remember it.. but when i got off the plane i was crying becayse my ears hurt so much-- i'm not use to flying and when i finnally got to him i was all poutty and i asked him if he'd drive me back.. ofcouse the story sounds adorable when kasey tells it but the fact is that i was misserable and whinny and he did a pretty good job dealing with me. that night we went back to his dorm and got ready for dinner.. he showered.. i got dressed and we went with kasey';s two friends to a place called noodles in ann arbor. it was very good. i had some spicy noodle dish with chicken.. i enjoyed it very much and i must say that the company made the food almost taste even better becuase they made me feel confortable... and you know what to be honest.. i think it made me feel happy that kasey was there with them becuase they seemed like innocently enough fun loving caring people. you have no idea how special i felt that they had heard all about me. becuase to be honest kasey is absolutly horrable at being affectionat or showing it i should say while he;s away.. so just knowing that he does talk about be highly to his friends and then to meet them and them say that they know why we're able to hold it together becuase of who we are together.. i donlt kno what i'm getting at just that it's really rewarding. it shows he does think of me.. and now i'd like to think now that they know me they understand just how important we are to eachother.. after dinner there was a concert at some down town like bar club. and two bands played for the benifit of people with cancer.. it was actually pretty cool becuase most of kasey's friend are in the goup that organized it as well as kasey king himself. so it was nice to see something that kasey was actively involved in. but the band was fun.. going back to north campus not so much becuase it was so far away.. i think though when we did get back kasey turned on the play list that he made for me for valentines day becuase i wanted to listen to music that he liked cuase i felt i would learn more about him becuase to be honest he has changed alot.. and we feel asleep.. (friday) in the morning kasey had to wake up for class.. which was nice becuase i got to sleep for an extra couple of hours.. and then shower and read alittle.. he came back at about 12:30 and we got lunch in the caf.. after that we went back to his room and watched phone booth.,. kasey didn;t believe me that the entire setting took place ina phone booth.. but it did and he found that out.. the whole idea of the movie was so he would nap... which did eventually happen.. at night he took me out on the town.. we walked around on central campus and he showed me the huge lecture halls and then dyack( i know i spelled it wrong) and things like that that pretain to michigan and such.. we went to dinner and an interesting resturant to say the least.. first we waited for about 50min.. which was cool becuse it was time spent with kasey king.. we walked the streets of annarbor.. when it was finnally our turn-- what you do is you go up and pick your meat and veggies and then they stir fry the food for you.. it was very good.. i thurouly enjoyed it.. and then after that.. we even got desert.. and then afterwards i think we just went back to his dorm and watched a movie and to be honest i just passed out.. but i think the overall theme of this day was alot of kasey king.. which is always a good thing.. i really really enjoyed it.. i really really needed a day like that saturday-- woke up and showered.. ordered i think jimmy johns but they never came.. so we went to the caf and met everyone for a late breakfast.. and it was nice.. and then we got changed really quick.. and caught a bus into town.. and walked around.. and saw libraries and buildings and the school basically.. which was very nicee.. and then afterward.. yost.. ahh yost.. i believe i should take a moment and think about how wonderful it was .. hehehe soo pretty.. and then the hockey house.. honestly though i'm done remembering for now.. i think i'm gonna go now and leave it at that.. the hockey house though.. and saturday was really just a progession becuase each day there just got better.. expect really today .. i didn;t sleep very well last night.. and to be honest.. it wasn;t so much a sad parting.. but rather it was just sad to relize the weekend was over.. it was a great weekend..
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(no subject)	[Nov. 9th, 2006\|07:49 pm]
i haven;t posted in a really really long time and so much has happened that it would be impossible to sit down and say everything.. but a few things that can sum everything up is - i love school- i love being here-- i love kasey i love having him support me be there for me-- we've spent three years together and i don;t regreat a single moment-- i love steph and i have every intention to spend the rest of my life with her-- like i can;t even begin to talk about how wonderful school is.. always something to do.. always someone to hang out with anyway something fun .. just everthing at once and i'm enjoying every second of it.. i really think i'm at the right college.. and i highly recoment it for everyone looking-- it's just so easy to fit in and make friend and be a part of things.. i love it,, ahh i lost intrest in posting.. but that;s all for now.. i'll be home this weekend maybe i'll be able to think of soemthing better to write
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(no subject)	[Jun. 29th, 2006\|05:07 pm]
You watch the season pull up its own stakes And catch the last weekend of the last week Before the gold and the glamour have been replaced, Another sun soaked season fades away You have stolen my heart... today i went to work.. and just as i was getting ready to leave.. i looked up and the man who stole my heart was standing there waiting for me to hug him.. and i was so happy i could cry .. and the world stoped and starting spining like it was spining for us.. i love him.. so much He is amazing. You are the best one, of the best ones We all look like we feel You have stolen my You have stolen my heart
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(no subject)	[Jun. 18th, 2006\|08:11 pm]
since the last time i posted so many things have changed.. god everything has changed but one thing.. i love you kasey.. you still motivate me.. keep me going.. keep me happy .. even though it;s a hard job.. today is father's day .. and i spent a couple hours with kasey after he went to work.. we went to rockerfellers and just sat outside on the grass in the sun.. and it was one of the best times i've ever had with him. ahhh soo perfect.. and then he went home and then dinner with the family at sir john;s and then home now .. god it's hot i have work tomarrow I LOVE STEPHANIE DEVITA so much beck
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(no subject)	[May. 29th, 2006\|11:58 am]
he's never made me feel so happy.. i can't stop smiling.. i can;t stop thinkin about him.. i love you kase.. i couldn;t stop i can;t imagen next year without you but you're left me with enough to last we're got the rest of our lives love thanks kase and to top it all off.. stephy's home today beck
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(no subject)	[May. 26th, 2006\|10:14 pm]
so everything is happening at once.. the last couple of weeks with kasey has been amazing.. god the last couple of days have been breath taking.. but it's just so much at once.. today he said i've entered into a new kind of beautiful.. and that makes me feel amazing.. he's the only one that it matters what i look like .. his prom was amazing and i had so much fun.. my prom started out slow and then picked up.. so many things i'll never forget... if i was with anyone else that night might habve been ruined.. god when i love you doesn;t seem like enough and yet there are no other words to say.. i needed this.. it'll last me the rest of my life.. after prom we went to carolines (both proms) and that was fun and then after my prom we went out to breakfast and had silver dollar pancakes.. then went to bed and woke up.. kasey picked me up and i met his grandmother for the frist time.. who was increadibly sweet.. and he graduated from iona prep.. and i've never been so proud of him. my baby;s a smarty pants he got a special medial too.. then went out to dinner with his family and kasey took me home.. but first got increadibly lost in heartsdale.. but it's never too bad to be lost with kase.. tonight he took me out for ice cream which turned into milk shakes which were good.. god my heart is still pounding .. it's been over two years and i've created some hard times and we have been though alot.. and i still love him and i still want him around. he;s worth fighting for speaking of someone worth fighting for.. i love stephanie.. no matter what happens i love her.. in life you'll only meet a few people like her and i'll never take advantage of that. in my book she;ll always be number one and deep down inside of everyone else they know she is too.. the thing with stephy is she;s better then anything victory could ever produce and i am proud to be her friend. she took the time to get to know me and i had the privelage to get to kno her.. a great man once said " What makes the difference between your success or failure is you. It’s a choice. You can choose success, you can choose failure, or you can choose to give away the choice...Each of us has a choice. We have the choice to stand up and be counted for what we think is right. We have the choice to give of ourselves and pack those parachutes. We have a choice to be part of the team. When you get older and look back on your life, you don’t count dollars, you count the parachutes you packed." and if that man is right.. then life is counted more then just personal achivements or self proclained titles- but rather the people around you who love and support you.. and god i miss her lik crazy right now cause she;s away.. and i can't wait till she gets back.. she's too classy to say anything.. and she;ll be mad at me for saying that becuase she;s a great young women but i have the choice to stand up and be counted for what i think is right... school is over.. whoohooo.. i'm so happy i was starting to lose my temper with some people.. graduate in a week from tonight.. only have to see those people four more times.. i will miss some of them.. and i will keep in touch.. but the rest .. good riddens.. last night at the iona graduation i started to think about what next week is going to be like.. saying goodbye to everyone and a place i've "learned" for the past 4 years.. fuckin sucks that they have to end it like this.. but then that's victory for you.. tomarrow i have work.. today i worked.. tomarrow night i'll see kasey.. god i love him.. i'm gonna call stephy tomarrow too and tell her i love her .. so maybe i'll just go to bed now and wait till tomarrow so i can do those things.. beck
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(no subject)	[May. 13th, 2006\|05:05 pm]
it's been a good weekend, regardless of how tonight goes and tomarrow.. it;s been a wonderful weekend. it began yesterday after noon when kasey took me to lunch at the pizza place.. and so like him he make me turn around while he was driving to get his jacket and underneath was a stuffed leppord.. and it was perfect. he was perfect. he droped me off at school and called work to see if they needed him and they didn;t.. which ment i got to see him last night.. so i went back to school and took a horrible test, but it didn;t matter.. came home.. showered .. kasey came to pick me up and then i went to his house.. and we watched tiara girls and just relaxed till about 6 when we went to the movies and saw goal. it was a good movie. i liked it. i like who i went with. then we went to the diner and kasey had a hamburger and i had chicken fingers, and it was good- it was a day with no fighting no problems and i was happy the moment i saw him. i needed that. helps me relize why we're lasting.. why i want to be with him. i don;t kno why but i can;t help but smile when i'm around him. right now i'm smiling beucsae i'm thinkin about him- i love that feeling that i use to have when we first started dating when i talk about him and i'm just so proud of him. today it didn;t stop though. i went to work and it was kinda slow. he;s got this amazing ablity to come around when i'm thinkin about him and when i look up there he is.. kinda like it happened today. kasey came in for lunch- the highlight of my day becuase he came at the exact moment i took my break.. and i never eat that late in the day- so we got to eat with eachother.. then he went back to work and so did i. tonight i have to do homework. i have to finish a paper on Princess Diana and do a math graded assiment becuase i'm gonna pray for rain later in the day. my prays have been answered the last couple of days so i might take advantace of it. i think it's funny because just when you think you've hit a bottom and you're all alone- god gives you a break. becky
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(no subject)	[May. 9th, 2006\|05:38 pm]
god i love him
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(no subject)	[Apr. 30th, 2006\|04:38 pm]
THIS WEEKEND: FRIDAY: becky's first blood drive nappy talked to stephy ice cream with kasey SATERDAY: work nappy kasey ate pizza starbucks with ann, liane, and JACK speey SUNDAY: first bloody nose ever lunch with kasey at the dam- good times library greg's baseball game talked to stephy dinner relgion essay bed
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(no subject)	[Apr. 21st, 2006\|04:27 pm]
lol Kasey:yo shit the golf club is so cool it's got this thing that scans my hand to clock in and out of work.. it's mad fattt Brother Greg: cough cough what;s fat the machine or your hand cough cough YOU AREN;T COOL KASEY.. NOBODY LIKES YOU! ahahahahaha my day was made with that.. umm so i've had am amazing break.. monday i went to the zoo.. i had sooo much fun.. o i have pictures.. but i'm not gonna post them becuase i don;t kno how to do the shortcut thing.. one day i will.. umm tuesdayyy.. i remember tuesday.. i got to see stephy!!!.. o i love herrrr then WEDNESDAY.. kasey and i went to the movies and saw bench warmer.. really really really funny.. i'm not even kidding you .. probibly the funniest movie all year.. then thursday .. lunch with kasey .. then skeeetballl.. and i won all the times.. i killed kasey.. he fell on the floor bleeding i killed him soo bad.. then today.. which is friday.. i saw kasey in the morning before he went to work.. and i have plans to see him tonight after work for cold stones.. i lovee ice creammm.. umm and i guess that;s about it.. i had a good easter and all that jazz whoot whoot steph comes home todayyy!!! umm and that;s it.. i love kasey kingg i love stephanie deVita i love food i love easter candy i love ice cream i love macaroni i love spring i love killing ants i love the sun.. o i can;t wait to use new body wash i got to make me look tan.. and that;s it becky
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lalalala	[Apr. 15th, 2006\|08:07 pm]
okay if nobody will update then i guess i will.. i miss stephanie more then i thought i would.. i miss huggin her in the morning.. i miss makin her laugh .. i miss walkin her to class. i miss embarasing her till she turns red.. i miss couple moments.. i miss sayin i love you in the middle of class.. i miss watchin her eattt.. i miss her helpin mee spell.. i miss that silly thing she does with her noseeee.. i miss writing her notes.. i miss havign the world end and her be there to put it back together.. yea so i guess i really miss her.. but it makes me relize how special she is to me.. and how lucky i am to have her around.. she;s amazing.. and i see her tuesday.. humm what else.. break's been alright.. i guess pretty good.. i've been tryin to keep myself busy.. and i think i've done a pretty good job.. it just feels like a normal weekend so far- it's gone by so fast.. i've been trying to do alittle homework each day and i've been pretty good with it. hopefully tomarrow i'll find enough motivation do knock off a killer english paper.. but what does the homework list look like you may be asking ... well here it is: english final AP english essay Math worksheet(gayyy) Service hours (o snapp) now you may be asking what about kasey.. kasey whoo i say.. no i don;t say that at all .. i love the boy.. so much.. and i;'ve got to see him alot.. and i'm thankful.. no conplaints(seem surprised yea me too.. lol naww not really he's pretty wonderful) things have been going by so fast.. i can;t beleive how fast... maybe it's just becuase i've had alot on my mind and i hate that becuase then i miss everything.. and that;s what it feels like now i'm missing everything.. i hope this break clears my head.. lol god even knows that i'm thinkin about.. probibly just anything that won;t remind me of college.. i think that;s why seniors try to "party" over the summer.. to forget about what;s happening in the fall.. and i'd like to think i'm ready for it.. but we'll kno when it happens.. okay guess that;s about it... kinda long update.. so it should be enough i guess.. becky
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(no subject)	[Apr. 9th, 2006\|08:31 pm]
i can;t believe it's over.. i've got a scrap book filled with all your acomplishments.. the time you;ve spent.. it'll never be over i kno that.. you love it to much.. but the idea that for the next couple of months you;re all mine is more then a dream come true.. it's the security i needed for now.. at this point i just want school to end before anything else happens.. i'm ready to let go.. i'm ready to spend the summer with people i love.. i can;t wait for the movie at the dam with steph and jennay.. but i guess first i have to go through easter vacation.. i'm looking foward to the zoo and everything else i have in mind .. but i think most of all i'm excited for just doing nothing at all.. i do have a few things i need to get done.. but you;re all mine.. minimal sharing from now on.. good night wishes every night.. kisses over the phone.. when i have a problem you'll be there.. i like that feeling.. you're worth the wait.. and i kno you'd have done the same.. my weekend was boring so i;'m not gonna even bother writing about it.. i think i forgot to mention stephy.. i love her becky
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(no subject)	[Apr. 8th, 2006\|09:28 pm]
holy crap.. we just started the 4th quarter.. and i can;t wait to graduate and not have to wake up anymore .. .. i hate morning..
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(no subject)	[Apr. 6th, 2006\|08:25 pm]
Can you do me the biggest favor of your life.. go to www.jrhockey.net Then go to CHA.. and then skip the Into.. and vote for Brewster express.. it’s kasey;s travel hockey team and it could use your support.. it takes two seconds and thankyouuu!!! i'm putting this everywhere
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(no subject)	[Apr. 3rd, 2006\|08:25 pm]
i'm gonna have alot of time thime this week.. he deserves it he;s worked to hard for so long.. and i guess i don;t mind.. i've been procrastinating everything in anticipation for the next week or so.. kasey is going away for nationals .. and i guess it's not that far away.. just two and a half hours.. it's scary to think hockey's almost over.. atleaste in high school for him .. hockey was something he was passionate even befeofore we started i think the first month of our relationship was a mixture of him talkin about aruba school and hockey.. so i guess hockey is a big part of our relationship... i'm not exactly fond of hockey.. but just from watching it for so long i understand it and it's alot better to watch now and i prefer it as a spectators sport.. i guess i could have been more supportive.. but i;m not about living with regrets.. i hate sharing you kiddo.. do you blame me you;re so hottt and soo smart and soo strong and you're such an amazing athlete.. and i love you .. and i'm proud of you.. and i'm glad to be your girlfriend. i love being it.. next year i think it's gonna be hard.. but that;s why we need to break up.. i don;t want to hold you back.. i know how i feel about you and if you really feel the same way it will work out later on and that;s what real love means.. it means i can let you go and still have you with me.. doesn;t even matter we might not get married and do the whole kids thing.. just that you;re around.. jesus kase this can;t be healthy you aren;t even gone yet.. reminds me of the saying how lucky i am to have known someone so hard to say goodbye to.. and i am lucky.. do to list while you are away: not only clean room but throw shit out finish scrap books hardcore math studies religion make moneyyy be a good girl so i don;t have to say the "i'm a bad girl" over and overrr and i guess that;s about it .. except that yesterday was stephanie and my anniversary five months.. pretty cool. next month is six.. really cool.. and this weekend was alot of fun i went to the iona play and it was really really good and then work and then saw kasey again and that;s my weekend in a nut shell.. becky
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(no subject)

[Mar. 28th, 2006|08:17 pm]

_{sooo.. in the mists of a good mood.. i feel like im falling apart.. my girlfriend hates my boyfriend (not really)..
my teacher teases me with he body worth being jealous over.. fucking enlgish sucksssss how can i think of this paper when i have to think of a jingle for baby nicholas..
god life is so hard.. and the worst part is i'm suppose to do it tomarrow and i don;t wanna anymore.. god what a baby i amm..}

ahahaha try reading that christina b

and i love stephy

and i love kasey

and i love the world

and i love celie

but i hate netty

and tomarrow's wellness day

and sadd is the best becuase i love liz and melissa and lisa and katie and others

and did i mention i love stephanie

and the end

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